Yesterday morning as I was enjoying some rare quiet time with my S/O, I was jolted by several text messages advising me to check my Facebook page. Against my better judgement, I pulled myself out of bed and did just that. I was instantly triggered by what I read...and quickly responded to what I felt was an unprovoked attack. ALL of my DBT skills went out the window...NO WiseMind. NO Mindfulness. NO Radical Acceptance. No Mindful breaths. WHOA!!! What just happened??? Everything I had learned and practiced for the last six months seemingly were gone, POOF---in a matter of seconds. I felt dejected. I felt like a failure.
DBT has taught me that during a crisis, I can engage in activities that will help to distract me from my distress...and I can also distract with other physical sensations (IE: the ice cubes shook me out of my distressed feelings). On our way out to the mall and lunch...he had me describe in detail exactly how I envision our trip to Tahiti will be. YET AGAIN, another technique that uses POSITIVE mental imagery---allowing OTHER thoughts to pass through my mind, to give myself and my mind a reprieve from the other MESS that I had experienced earlier in the day.
A few things that I learned yesterday is:
*Six months ago, I would have allowed being triggered to completely consume me and destroy my day/life...once anxiety sets in, it's hard to get out of it's grip. While I did have help from my S/O---I utilized the skills I've learned in DBT, and was able to get on with my day/life. I initially felt as though I had failed to utilize my DBT skills, but I was able to pull it together!! Progress....in the smallest form is STILL progress!!!!!
*I'm not perfect...but I'm SURELY not the person I used to be.
*Let go of criticism!! People will criticize you and try to keep you bound to your past and the person that you USED to be. The past is just that, MY PAST. I didn't run from it, I owned it and learned from it and NOW I'm going forward.
*What other people express is more about THEM and their perceptions...not about me, and I don't have to take their perceptions personally. We are all individually entitled to our own perceptions. People will be people.
*TRUE loyalty doesn't fade...even when the friendship/relationship has. I have to be ME, regardless of what THEY do or say.
*Last but certainly not least......yesterday, I realized more than ever, how blessed I am to have someone to walk this journey WITH me. Someone who promised to love me UNTIL I learned to love myself. Even in crisis, good things are revealed.